also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
