Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
