i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
