dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
