Are we in a gay sports bar?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
