put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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