also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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