Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
