2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
