im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
