When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
