that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
