oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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