Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If I die, sorry about rent.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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