he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
