were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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