Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
