Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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