So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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