I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
