Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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