apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
