you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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