her vagine was all disorganized.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
