There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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