Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
