Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
