We won't sleep together?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
