did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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