I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
