I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
