the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
