my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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