I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
