You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
