i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
