There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
