Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
