do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
