Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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