Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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