i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
