11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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