I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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