I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
