so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
