Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
