I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
