what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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