His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
