i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
