The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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