Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
