yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
