I feel like abortions should bother me more
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
