i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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